Thursday, March 27, 2008

Ground Up

Hyped literally to death, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's 1970s-style exploitation double bill Grindhouse flopped so disastrously in the United States that its release in Australia was delayed for almost a year. But now, finally, for just a few days more at the Astor, we're getting the whole enchilada: 193 minutes of blood, sex and all-round mayhem, complete with hokey censorship warnings and funny trailers for imaginary films from a range of guest directors.

On paper, Rodriguez's Texan horror-sci-fi hybrid Planet Terror might look like a full meal all by itself, with zombies, go-go-dancers, crazy babysitters, and a last-minute plot twist involving the hunt for Osama Bin Laden. But in practice the multiple hooks don't hook together: the film achieves but does not transcend the status of a disjointed B-movie best watched late at night in a venue where attention can freely wander.

Tarantino's infinitely superior, full-to-bursting Death Proof is many things: a slasher movie on wheels, a love letter to stuntmen and stuntwomen, an examination of the sado-masochistic drives underlying narrative. Every last detail is openly fetishised, above all when it comes to the actresses: Vanessa Ferlito's wiggling buttocks, Zoe Bell's New Zealand accent, Rose McGowan's smart mouth and platinum blonde hair.

Less sympathetic viewers may fail to realise that the point of it all isn't camp excess so much as a desire to return cinema to its origins, which means the 1970s only because this is roughly when these filmmakers happened to grow up. Indeed, Grindhouse in its entirety could be seen
as a treatise on the medium's two basic, opposed impulses: towards fantasy, and towards documentary.

Thus Planet Terror is built around a digitally-manufactured image - a woman with a machine gun in place of her right leg - which would have been inconceivable in the heyday of big-screen exploitation. By contrast, spectacle in Death Proof consists primarily of stunts performed in front of the camera by performers genuinely risking life and limb.

It remains slightly anomalous for Tarantino and Rodriguez should be campaigning to bring down-and-dirty thrills back to the movie theatre, given that cheaply-made action-horror is hardly extinct (the distance between Planet Terror and, say, the Resident Evil franchise is not that great). There is, moreover, a level of failure built into the whole project of recreating an ideally unselfconscious movie-going experience in the fussiest way imaginable, lovingly simulating every last scratch on a supposedly beat-up print.

The genius of Death Proof is that Tarantino grasps this perversity and runs with it all the way to the end. Rodriguez, for his part, seems blithely unaware of the problem. But maybe that's the reason the association between these two has lasted - because Tarantino knows, in
his heart, that his friend is the pure naive artist he could never be.

Grindhouse (MA) screens nightly at the Astor Theatre, Melbourne, till March 30.

Wot's Going On With The Stars?

Yep. Milkcrate is in on the pulse of celeb gossip. Don't get me wrong, we're no Perez Hilton, but we do like to keep track of what's going on with the stars. Aww, we're just like MX!!

I know Milkcrate's readers are constantly asking themselves 'How does Demi Moore keep her skin looking so youthful?!'. Well in true dedication to it's readers, Milkcrate brings you the answer -- it's leeches. Not just any leeches from a swamp though, these are highly trained medical leeches, cutting edge technology, according to Demi.

Apparently the leeches get 'super-drunk' on her blood, and it helps her 'detoxify'. Hot. Last I heard, once you remove blood it's gone, not 'freshened up'.

In other freaky face news, Priscilla Presley got a hit of uber-crap botox recently, when she became a 'victim' of Dr Daniel Serrano (AKA Dr Jiffy Lube), who apparently hustles poor innocent celebs out of their hard earned buck by infusing them with low grade silicon -- normally used to lubricate car parts!

According to Priscilla's site "Beauty and Priscilla Presley are almost synonymous". Almost. Not quite. I like to use the expression "Priscilla Presley is in the eye of the beholder".

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Blog of the Week

Milkcrate would like to draw your attention to two things.

1. We now have a segment called Blog of the Week, which may or may not appear on a weekly basis.

2. Milkcrate's Blog of the Week for this week is Photoshop Distasters. Clickety click -- if you're one of those who get a kick out of pointing out bad continuity and shitty retouching, you will not be disappointed.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Smells Like Converse

Shoe manufacturer Converse, have announced a line of sneakers to commemorate the late Kurt Cobain -- fans of the 90's grunger will now be able to rock their very own morbid piece of footwear with the re-release of the Converse One Star, the very shoe Cobain was reported to be wearing when he shot himself in 1994.

The new One Star will feature a print of Cobain's signature next to the Converse Star logo, and gracing the inside of the shoe the words "Punk rock means freedom". Does it? How retro!

The shoes have been approved by Courtney Love & the Cobain estate and further details will be released by Converse in April.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Cheap Thrills and Spills for the Kiddies

Nikki Maloo’s Guide to Educational Entertainment


One to many busy days this week, and before you know it there's a long weekend and a couple of small people nagging to go to the zoo or, even worse, blocking your view of the TV while you're trying to rewatch Season 2 of Desperate Housewives. Nevermind! Milkcrate is here to solve your dilemmas with a few handy suggestions on the cheap ways to keep the kids busy this Easter break.

  • Why not pull out the old record player and play some records backwards? As your kids decipher the satanic lyrics they’ll improve their listening skills and learn about one of the world’s less conventional faiths at the same time!

  • Get creative! Let the kids invent a fictional character – a missing pet or sibling perhaps. They can post ‘missing’ signs around the area; that way the whole neighbourhood can join in the fun!

  • Dads. In the olden days hunting was a fantastic way to bond with your child, boosted by the excitement that there might be a nasty accident or even a fatality! These days suburbia doesn’t offer the elk and fox hunting of yore, but there are still a wonderful selection of neighbourhood cats and native birds to shoot at! Can’t afford a gun? Share the experience some more by constructing a sling-shot together!

  • Home Theatre. Instead of sitting in front of the plasma, why not get the kids to write and perform their own play based on modern history. Stuck for ideas? How about a musical set in Villawood Detention Centre, or September 11th: Osama Bin Laden can easily be recreated with an old white sheet and some shoe polish!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Chloe Lattanzi. Face. Odd.


It' really no longer a question of whether or not Chloe Lattanzi looks like her father Matt Lattanzi, or her mother Olivia Newton John... Rather, I think the pertinant issue is whether or not she even looks human anymore. Sure, she's had an eating disorder. Sure, she's a terrible singer... but she clearly needs to see a therapist, not a(nother) surgeon.
Chloe. Please. Stop. Now.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Scarlett Johansson

Breaking news this morning reports that a rabid Scarlett Johansson fan paid $40,100 for a date with the actress, where he will very likely be greeted with numerous security guards ready to pound the crap out of him should he so much as look in the lovely Scarlett's direction.

Scarlett, it seems, is a bit of a star, you see. I'm still not entirely sure why - her recent performance in The Other Boleyn Girl was flat and did nothing but prove Natalie Portman a far superior actress - but all the same she's getting a bit of attention. Woody Allen is even doing a bit of Scarlett-love now he's making shit movies.

Which brings me to Scarlett's upcoming project -- He's Just Not That Into You, based on the New York Time's bestseller of the same name. So, I know I digress, but really, I still get giddy at the idea someone can write a book that basically says 'Der, you're totally fug, he doesn't want you' and people will buy it! I love the USA.

News

Hello Milkcraters! Oh you good folk, out there loving your beer and keyrings!

Quickly we just want to mention when we said here (just a day ago!) that we have five contributors, we lied! We have six now! As you may have noticed from his wonderful debut post, Rohan has joined us, all the way from LA! Oooo! We're so international now!

Nellie McKay : Crazy, but Fun.

It’s almost too easy these days to slip into a vintage gown, pop on some costume jewellery, talk excessively about your pets and call yourself an eccentric. (Hell, I know I’d wear more vintage frocks, if I had bosoms). Nellie Mckay is the real deal. She even plays the ukulele.

I was invited to go see a show at Largos (*does obnoxious LA accent* “Oh you know Largos, right? Like… Largos…. Oh my god… Largos, is like, y’know, like one of the hippest LA nightspots, like, totally…”) and whilst I baulked at the cover charge : I’m so not in a position to pay $20.00 US for someone I have barely heard of…. I’m SO SO glad I did.

Nellie is blessed with a remarkable voice that echoes Rosemary Clooney's light touch, channels Doris Day's optimism (somewhat ironically) and occasionally comes to the fore as a Courtney Love style “Whatthefuckisyourproblemfuckfeatures?” snarl. She has the most beautiful piano playing hands…. But wait…. It’s not because she has some eating disorder of the Hollywood variety, it’s because she plays exceptional and complex piano. Bless. She’s humble, fun, improvises, takes request and has a dry sardonic wit that translates well to the quiet piano bar type crowd.

She sings of the usual things which seem to occupy songs these days (love, hating Mr Bush), but also sets sanitoriums and suicide to a quirky upbeat piano (Ding Dong!), and has arguably the world’s best original song about zombies (Zombie).



Google her. Buy her music. Enjoy her music.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Tic Toc Tokyo

Milkcrate loves Tic Toc Tokyo - it's true! Ok, well it's confirmed that at least 2 our of 5 current contributors love Tic Toc Tokyo and at least 1 of them will be attending their EP launch in Melbourne's Northcote Social Club tonight.

So, plug:

T T T

15 Mar 2008, 08:00 PM
301 High St. Northcote, Melbourne, Victoria
Cost : $10 on the door

With Plug-In City & Bachelor of Arts.

Even better, Panic! resident DJ Nathan Jones will be DJing up a storm between bands.

Check out Tic Toc Tokyo here.
Check out Nath here.

*Photo stolen from TTT's Myspace where it is credited to Adricongirl.