Amaz'n Amazon

Browsing through Amazon this morning, I stumbled upon this fine piece of apparel - and it's user reviews.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

So if you're like us here at Milkcrate and you appreciate fine user reviews, wasting time and wolves click away and enjoy.

Cheap Thrills and Spills for the Kiddies

Nikki Maloo’s Guide to Educational Entertainment

One to many busy days this week, and before you know it there's a long weekend and a couple of small people nagging to go to the zoo or, even worse, blocking your view of the TV while you're trying to rewatch Season 2 of Desperate Housewives. Nevermind! Milkcrate is here to solve your dilemmas with a few handy suggestions on the cheap ways to keep the kids busy this Easter break.

• Why not pull out the old record player and play some records backwards? As your kids decipher the satanic lyrics they’ll improve their listening skills and learn about one of the world’s less conventional faiths at the same time!

• Get creative! Let the kids invent a fictional character – a missing pet or sibling perhaps. They can post ‘missing’ signs around the area; that way the whole neighbourhood can join in the fun!

• Dads. In the olden days hunting was a fantastic way to bond with your child, boosted by the excitement that there might be a nasty accident or even a fatality! These days suburbia doesn’t offer the elk and fox hunting of yore, but there are still a wonderful selection of neighbourhood cats and native birds to shoot at! Can’t afford a gun? Share the experience some more by constructing a sling-shot together!

• Home Theatre. Instead of sitting in front of the plasma, why not get the kids to write and perform their own play based on modern history. Stuck for ideas? How about a musical set in Villawood Detention Centre, or September 11^th: Osama Bin Laden can easily be recreated with an old white sheet and some shoe polish!

Milkcrate Advice

"Dear Milkcrate,

My son is a professional stripper and has offered to perform at my best friend's hens night. Everything thinks it will be a hoot, and while I try to support him in his chosen career, I don't feel this is a good idea. What should I do?

From Partypooper"


Dear Partypooper,

My advice to you is to approach the event as a bonding exercise. As children grow into adulthood, it's important to find activities that the family can enjoy together in a more mature setting.

That way, parents and their adult children can learn to relate as equals, while still sharing a respectful and supportive relationship. Naturally, part of this process is to show an appreciation of your child's chosen vocation.

Your smiling face in the crowd of writhing, clapping, erotically charged middle aged women will mean the world to your precious baby boy - as well as give him the chance to say to you and the world, 'Hey mamma! I'm a man now!'.

And what better way to say 'I'm proud of you, son!' than by allowing him to blindfold you before removing his sequined g-string with your teeth?

So come on, Partypooper - Put in your dentures, it's time to get happy!

- Milkcrate