Really? It certainly summed up Eurovision for me.
Shoe manufacturer Converse, have announced a line of sneakers to commemorate the late Kurt Cobain -- fans of the 90's grunger will now be able to rock their very own morbid piece of footwear with the re-release of the Converse One Star, the very shoe Cobain was reported to be wearing when he shot himself in 1994.
But when you went to your local pub for a celebratory beer to celebrate the end of Movember, you saw that many fellow patrons had not picked up a razor.
You hoped that in January they would rid themselves of their upper lip (and sometimes, in horrible examples, lower lip fuzz) but no, they were still there, in all their patchy glory.
I am not against facial hair. It can make a man look distinguished and give him a look of old world class. What would Frank Zappa, Snidely Whiplash, Lemmy, John Waters, or Groucho Marx be with out their nose-nieghbours? What would have Salvador Dalí done without his waxy little artpiece? Would Fu Manchu be remembered if it weren’t for his catfish face? Hitler had a nifty little number, although he managed to make that particular style go crashing out of fashion.
I wouldn’t be so disgusted with the common mans facial hair if they used styling product. There’s a whole world of waxes out there to keep it looking stunning so why is all we see on the streets are ‘baby's first pornstache’ and out-of-control 12 o'clock shadows?
Who wouldn’t want to grow a hairy pet on their upper lip that requires a snood to keep it in place at night-time so it didn’t elope with your hamster when you had you eyes closed?
If you want to prove you have generous ball sacks, gentleman PLEASE attempt more than a Flavour-Saver and some embarrassing fuzz. The size of your 'stache proves the potency of your swimmers. So gentlemen, go for the handlebar! How else are women to know you're virile?
Don’t be half arsed - grow a full ‘tache that proves you’ve finished with puberty!
And the good news is, if you’re an un-cultured bore, all you have to do is fondle the ends of your hairybeast and everyone will think you’re pondering the great mysteries of human existence instead of trying to remember if the pizza shop on the corner is open at 3am.There's a new world sensation. No, it's not a mock designer paint splattered shirt, no, it's not pink polo tops with a white tie, and no, it's not tucking your shirt into your pants.
It's the gun holster.
They aren't just for cops any more they are for fashion police as well. The line has been drawn, either you are a bad-ass or you're a bad-ass possibly concealing a gun. It brings a whole new meaning to "is that a gun in your holster or are you just pleased to see me?"
Another fashion must is a man purse, other wise known as a murse. They aren't just for old ladies any more… Sexier than a backpack, but not as stiff as a briefcase, the murse is essential for the man on the go.
The holster and murse combo completely wipes out any need for unattractive bum bags or those messenger bags made of shitty acrylic (with the mobile phone compartment! The style never stops!).
It's all in the leather, and it's got to be black. Don't just stop with a belt, who can resist a black leather strap? Accompany your holster and murse with a wrist strap -- it screams 'I can't leave my sexcapades at home'. Girls go crazy for it.
Murses are excellent carry-alls, suitable for anything from your fifth bottle of gin to your battered copy of FHM. However, it might be too bulky for everyday wear. This is where the holster comes in.
The holster is compact, but good for multitasking. If you're going out light you can slip your mobile in there, a small tube of lubricant and a condom and you're set for wild casual sex in the alley. It's a call and response team in itself .
Or for the casual day out, put your money clip, keys and mobile in. Once you're armed with a holster, no-one is ever going to steal anything from you again. And who's going to question a man that looks like an undercover cop? Didn't get your ticket for the tram? Sorted.
You want to mean business with the holster so a t-shirt will not cut it. It best to wear the holster over a dry-clean only shirt and a silk tie. If you wear the murse with this there is no need for a tie bar as the murse straps the tie in. You don't want your tie flailing about upsetting your controlled look.
It's all about the control: secretly women like a man who'll take control. And nothing says control like a man who looks like he's packing a gun.
